Wife's Sexual History

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He may not have wanted to marry her had he known she was promiscuous and he has the right to know. I knew my wife for a couple of years before we dated. As first demonstrated quantitatively by John Hajnal, in the 19th and early 20th centuries the percentage of non-clerical Western women who never married was typically as high as 10—15%, a prevalence of female celibacy never yet documented for any other major traditional civilization.

I'm quite taken aback at your message. I hope so, for her sake and mine. The geisha fulfilled the non-sexual social roles that ordinary women were prevented from fulfilling, and for this service they were well paid.

Lied to about sexual history

Women are having sex earlier, more casually, are getting married later and are generally more adventurous. Therefore, by the time they meet their life partner, they often have had a lot of sexual partners and have done a lot of wild things. In order to deal with this, men are taught to live by the adage, the past is the past and modern men are supposed to realize that there should be no double standard - women love wife sexual history just like men. Many men, however, still have mixed feelings about their wife's sexual history. Some can't bear to think about it. For most, it's a mix of bewilderment that our sweethearts could do such things, fantasy and a sprinkle of jealousy. So what do you think about your wife's sexual history. What have you heard about that makes you uncomfortable. I have no problem with my wife's sexual history. I have reason to believe I know what it is completely. My stance on this is that men can choose a wife on any criteria they wish without any social stigma. Our pasts are part of who we are. They tell us much about our character. If a partner has had a very large number of partners just how special are you after all. It is telling about the type of sexual experiences. If she can;t remember who she has had sex with, then that tells you a lot. Wife sexual history key again is that the man can choose any way he wants. If a man wants to have a double standard he can if he so chooses. A man is responsible for all births during his marriage. Whether they are his children or not. It would be hard to gather information on cheating but that would tell much. I am a forgiving person so whatever happened in the past stays in the past. I went into our marriage with so much confidence that it was meant to be and that it would survive anything life threw at us. Unfortunately for me my easy forgiveness and view that people are genuinely good at heart blinded me from seeing a lot of patterns or pick up on the red flags that would rear up in our relationship. So even though her putting me above all those other boys by being my wife made me feel like the luckiest and proudest man in the world, it all came tumbling down when life got hard and so she reverted to her basic instincts. You should only worry about what happens going forward. She lost her virginity at 19, she had sex with 8 or 10 guys in 2 years of college. After college she was married 7 years. We have been together 26 years. And - even if it's 20 guys in 2 years - what's the difference. Conrad, can't we talk about our wives' sexual history without everyone assuming that we just want our wives to be virgins. It is a very important part of who they are. It has a lot to do with how their sexuality developed, how they relate to other people and how they form and maintain relationships. I have no problem with my wife's sexual history and I don't refuse to face it like you seem to. I partly find it intriguing, sexy and yes, some of it makes me a little on edge isn't that a good thing. Sometimes I find some of the things she did a little shocking. This mix of emotion is healthy and when you put it all together, it excites me. Anyway, I would not trade this for a virgin. Her activities are part of her. I don't simply wish to ignore this important part of her like some would. Obviously if she wanted to put it aside then I would respect that but she isn't ashamed of it nor am I. Conrad isn't ignoring anything, he just chooses to not focus on things in the past. A very healthy attitude if you ask me. Deal with her past and modern men are taught to not make a big deal of it. Um yeah, because it isn't any of your business. What she has done prior to meeting you really isn't yours to judge but you are anyways. You can either take Conrad's advice and move forward or you can focus on her past and do what one guy here did, shamed her so much that one day she packed up and left. I am not exactly proud of my past and my husband knows all about it. At any point if he made feel bad about it, I would leave. No way on Earth am I going to stay with someone who I have pledged my heart and body to, only to be shamed for something I did prior to dating him. That is nothing more than wife sexual history insecurity and you are projecting it on to her. Not all people think this is a taboo subject as you seem to. I'm not judging you and you probably have good reason for feeling this way but please don't assume that every woman needs protection from her past. I said that my attitude is that it is what it is. If she didn't want it to be any of my business then I would accept that. For that matter, her family is none of my business either. Her job, past jobs and education is none of my business either. She shares what wife sexual history wants to share and she has no problem sharing this and discussing it. And I certainly don't judge her for it or make her feel bad about it. If I did, she wouldn't want to share it. The only reason that she shared it so freely is because we can discuss it like adults. Why should a woman share freely with her friends but not with her husband. That would sound bizarre and hardly an open and communicative relationship. So is the attitude that the only healthy way to treat a woman's sexual past is to ignore it. If a woman is not ashamed of her past and has a healthy attitude toward it, then why can't it be shared openly or shared without walking on eggshells. She's told me what's she's done, what she feels about different things. I also share my attitudes toward it but never in a judgemental way. If you both have a healthy attitude toward it, then why can't it be discussed openly like other past experiences. I never said not discuss wife sexual history, I said that it isn't your business to bring it up. If she chooses to and is open with it, then discuss. Past sexual experiences isn't a taboo subject for me, far from it. I have posted here often about my past and nearly every person who has been around here long enough knows what I did. Because I own up to it and while I have regret, I am not ashamed. I refuse to punish myself for something I did years ago and I certainly wouldn't allow my partner to punish me. I am not saying ignore her past, what I am saying is that there are some women who are not comfortable discussing their past for whatever reason. Fear of rejection, being labeled, looked down upon, society and the labels they tag women with, you name it. If they feel like they will somehow be judged wife sexual history their partner for things they wife sexual history prior to meeting them, they will never share. What Conrad as always sagely pointed out was that focusing on the past is pointless. He respected that highly, he feels it spoke something deeply about wife sexual history character. I think, had I had other lovers, it would come up in his mind. If I had many, I know it would have bothered him, he might not have chosen me. I wouldn't down anyone for that, especially wife sexual history the have chosen to be wise in selecting partners only for long term relationships. I think it is reasonable to expect similar values in the one we marry. So these things surely should be discussed while dating. I did a few things outside of intercourse with a couple guys before him. Looking back, I see this as innocent teen experimentation, I never hid anything from my husband- from day one. I am very happy I wasn't with anyone else, I feel it creates a greater bond somehow if you have only been with each other, noone else has ever touched that sacred place. There is no comparisons, it is just more special than words can express. I know in their hearts they want to find a woman who feels the same. There is always a risk in marrying a virgin though. Pluses and minues on both ends. And of course had ever been a sex worker. Other than that I do not care. A man is free to decide whether this is important to him or not. If the potential wife to be says it is none of his business he is free to weigh that any way he wants and vice versa. It is not like hiring practices. One is selecting the person who they intend to wife sexual history after all and in most cases raise a family. She can choose to wife sexual history at this if she wants becasue she is free. It is not about focusing in the past. Many men would not care to know at all. I would think a man who wants to know specific sexual details would be kinda creepy. I don't think that is what this is about. A persons sexual history is just one important part of many parts in assessing one's character and suitability for marriage. I think if a woman is confident in herself she would have no issue with sharing this. After wife sexual history neither partner needs to pretend to be someone wife sexual history are not. By getting all of this out up front it limits if not eliminates this becoming an issue down the road. In no way are my comments meant to demean anyone or be judgemental on anyones past. It should not be assumed what I personally would be evaluating in knowing a womans past I was considering marrying. It is also not something I plan on ever doing again. I am just saying we should respect peoples rights to choose based on their own reasons and values. Lets not call someone immature or wrong because they feel it is important to know the sexual history of their soon to be spouse. Thank you Entropy for calling out that unfair response Conrad's 'grow up'. Just because someone feels that sexual history is important, doesn't mean that they want a 'clean' sexual history. Truly knowing your partner and achieving real intimacy means knowing them well. People's past family life, jobs and education all have good and not so good parts. Obviously I assume that she chooses to keep some things private sexual and non-sexual things that have happened in her life. She shares what she wants to share. What surprises me, however, is that the automatic assumption here seems to be that past sex is always shameful and a 'difficult' topic. Brighteyes, you might share it here but you automatically assumed that I'm causing problems by caring about and being interested in my wife's sexual past. If that works for some people, then I have no problem with that. I would never think less of a person for their sexual past but it's an important part of a person so I think that it does matter. When my wife first told me about her past experiences, she always described them as 'mistakes' and it was like she was apologetic about it. Well this was not really how she felt. I don't think she was being devious, I just think she was a little confused about how she felt about them. Now she has come to terms with herself and with me that some of these were really exciting and physically fulfilling experiences. And like everything in life, some were forgettable. I just don't understand how you achieve real intimacy if an important part of one's life their sexuality is shrouded in secrecy. In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below. Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google.

Others knew I was just barely hanging on. Start with the least intrusive questions before asking ones that are potentially more embarrassing. I wonder if she got drunk during that Halloween Party at a motel suite rented by the Green Berets and got gang-banged thus the source of the group sex rumor. And I am glad to say that God was exceedingly gracious. Considering her basket of other emotional issues, I even suppose a period of promiscuity should not surprise. Our children learn from what they see. Not all people think this is a taboo subject as you seem to. In a detailed compilation of historical and materials of , strong disapproval of homosexuality was reported for 41% of 42 cultures; it was accepted or ignored by 21%, and 12% reported no such concept. So if I am to understand correct, your problem seems to be the fact that when you first met this girl she had a one night stand with you, while at the same time just a few days earlier she had also had sex with a different man? At this frat party she made out with a guy got drunk and I guess he took her to a bathroom to. But you have to meet her half way. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.